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08 June 2017

How about you?

Ever had one of those days?

One of those days when you wake up listening to the birds & wishing you were that happy...
One of those days when your to do list is overwhelmingly long...
One of those days when you have minimal motivation to do anything, a brain too tired to focus,
and figuring out where to begin is overwhelming.....

Have you ever had one of those days when....
...you look around you and wonder if they are also struggling & better at hiding it?
when you can handle the snarky attitudes better than kindness?
when kindness will break the thin barrier....
into the area where acceptance faces reality...
...where hope is questioned....
where you wonder if it is all worth it?

Have you ever had one of those days when...
...your pet won't leave your side... as if they know the turmoil and struggle within?
when uncovering your couch of textbooks & teaching supplies is your major accomplishment?
when all you want your camera &flowers & an escape into beauty?
... each of those require energy...
...energy I don't have.

Have you ever had one of those days when...
...you realize you are good at providing help but horrible at asking for it?
when you over apologize when someone says yes because you are sure there are better things they could be doing with their time and money.

Have you ever had one of those days when...
...you realize that without caring for people through 3+ jobs you feel lost...
...you feel useless...
you feel as if you are not ENOUGH?

Have you ever had one of those days when...
...you can't pay for your basic necessities of life & then your car dies & is not reparable?
when you think.... Lord, I can't handle one more thing...
...and then you spend 6 hours in the ER?
Have you ever had one of those days....
...when you call your mom FOUR times because you just need something...
...and her voice is like a warm hug?
 Have you ever had one of those days...
when you wished someone else understood?
A day when someone answered these questions
with a "YES!"
because then you would know you are not alone?

I am asking the questions..
I am answering "Yes!"
I am happy to listen...
Don't walk this alone.

I was convicted tonight as I did my quiet time and read from Jesus Calling.  It is amazing how many days the readings in this book are spot on! Today was a day like above.  My to do list was a mile long, I had the energy of Eeyore on downers and was moving at the speed of a sloth riding a snail through peanut butter. I have now been out of work several months, exhausted all of my savings, sold off my back up oils, called in old favors, and worked as many odd jobs as I can find. I'm at the bottom of the well and there are still two trips in the future on top of the basic necessities (housing, electricity, water, internet, cell, gas). 
One trip is a necessity and long overdo.  I will be going to The Mayo Clinic July 9-19 for intensive testing and consultations with specialists.  This trip requires airfare for me and my folks (I have to have someone transport me to and from tests and my memory has taken a real hit from the concussion -- not a great historian at this point), housing, food, gas, rental car, and medical bills.  Did I mention I have no insurance?
The second trip is one my heart and soul need.  It is a mission trip to El Salvador with a small group from my church and Compassion International. I began a Go Fund Me page in hopes of raising the money needed for El Salvador and one of my best friends began a Go Fund Me page for my trip to the Mayo Clinic.  This is hard for me.  I have never been without a job and while I have an offer I will be taking.... it is part time, short term, and doesn't cover things now.....

So what do I do?
I WORRY!!!!!
(thus the conviction)
The beginning of today's devotion:
"I am all around you, like a cocoon of Light.  My Presence with you is a promise, independent of your awareness of Me.  Many things can block this awareness, but the major culprit is worry." -Jesus Calling
Today's reference verses:
"22 Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23 For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. 24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! 25 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life[a]? 26 Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
27 “Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 28 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! 29 And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. 30 For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well."

I am praying for patience, blessings, job availability and the energy to do it, as well as ability and courage to ask and receive help.

If you are someone who would like to help you can...
...1. pray for me
...2. donate
...3. share the Go Fund Me sites (even if you can't donate)
...4. give me a shout if this is a post that hit home with you.
...5. pay attention to those around you... who is described by my feelings above? Be a listener.

God Bless!
Christa

gf.me/u/sj5uw  (Mayo Clinic in Minnesota -Go Fund Me Page)

gf.me/u/sj5c4 (Compassion trip to El Salvador - Go Fund Me Page)