02 March 2014
It has been a good day.... a day of peace... a day of knowing I am where I am supposed to be ... doing what I am supposed to be doing.
A small example of my day: a conversation between me and a 4th grade boy ( i forgot how weird and fun that age is) I didn't realize how sore I was from my run yesterday until I attempted to do a move similar to the Twist in children's worship. Apparently my facial expression showed my discomfort...
Boy: You okay?
Me: (chuckle) Yeah. I'm fine just really sore from running yesterday?
Boy: (dead serious) What were you running from?
Me: (trying not to laugh) Nothing, just for fun.
Boy: Like a race? It was a race?
Me: Yeah I guess. A race against myself.
Boy: looks at me through the corner of his eye with both eyebrows raised in disbelief.
No other words were spoken about running but he continued to intermittently look at me with that same curious look.
Worship at 800am with the adults; worship and small group time with the kiddos (3-5 grade) at 930; a phone chat with family -- and lunch with new friends. It is one of the few times since I have been in VA that I felt like I could truly be a part of the community --- truly have a life --- truly feel like a part of something.
(By the way-- have you tried pickles in your chili? How do you eat yours?)
Okay -- back to the Restlessness
Numbness has been the keyword for months --- and for those of you who are disbelieving --- just trust me. For months there was nothing -- just numb --- and over the last couple of months it has begun the transformation of being replaced with a feeling of change -- a certainty that God has a purpose and plan for me --- with certainty that it is going to be far beyond my C-zone (comfort zone).
I know that I am different from my family, my friends, and those around me (otherwise I would be married with several kids and more on the way-- I probably would have married young -- and I most likely would not have attended grad school). This difference is no surprise to God no matter how disheartening it is to me. He has a purpose and feeling out of place is part of the preparation. I know that some dreams that used to be important have fallen to the wayside and others are present as I sleep each night.
I don't know what His plan is and that is scary -- I am a planner -- I like to have a plan. God is challenging that with a simple request to "Trust me." I am trying -- but honestly --- the wait sort of sucks :)
Beginning Monday I will be participating in this FREE online book club based on "Restless" by Jennie Allen. The link to the information is below --- I would love for you to join me in this journey!!! (and don't feel bad if you won't be able to read all of the chapters suggested by tomorrow. I will be in that club with you. ) It is based on that restless feeling you get when you know God has more planned for you and you just haven't discovered all of the pieces yet.
I am going to include quotes so you can see if they hit home with you :)
Seriously Y'all I am underlining and marking with colored pens all over this book.
Quotes (chapter 1) (5 pages)
- "Was this feeling pushing me toward something bigger, or crippling me from loving the life I was given?"
-"We wonder if we are missing some mystical, great, noble purpose that was supposed to squeeze into the holds of our ordinary lives. We feel numb. We feel bored."
-Every single one of us is designed to fit into a unique space with unique offerings. God's will for every one of us will look different."
-"This is a book about being brave enough to imagine a better world, and how we may be used to make it that way. This is a book about fears and suffering and joy and gifts. This is a book about all that lies in our control and how nothing is in our control. This is a book about vision and obedience."
-"We will lay out the unique threads of our lives that feel random, potentially even tangling us up, but we will lay them out and dream about eternal purposes for seemingly mundane moments and consider that it is possible to waste our lives. And then let's not."
-"Dare to believe that God has a vision for how you are to spend your life. Finding and accomplishing this vision is quite possibly the greatest responsibility we have as a generation second only to knowing and loving God."
-"We have a call to dream." **
-"He sent his Spirit to give unique visions to unique people to reach the world in unique and beautiful ways."
-"He has given you an abundance of gifts, resources, people, and vision to accomplish His dreams for you. If you do not feel that way yet, you will."
-"What if you get past your fears and insecurities and spend the rest of your life running your guts out after his purposes for you?"
-"..a place where no life or minute or breath ever feels small again."