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15 February 2014

When Life is Tiring

This week was one of those weeks that makes you bone tired.  You don't care to get out of bed. You don't care to go to work. You don't care to eat.  You just are.  You just try to keep your head down.  You try to survive.  

But life goes on and you get out of bed.  You go to work.  You eat, atleast occassionally and you survive. 

Maybe this week was great for you or maybe your week was a bit like mine.  I used to find amazing peace in the Word. I would shut the world out for an hour and dig.  It wasn't about the world.  It wasn't about anthing but my need to communicate with the One. 

 The One who knows my struggles before I voice them.  He knows the dreams of my heart because He placed them there.  He knows the depth of my pain and hurt when those dreams get tampered with or people feel that it is within their right to point out how big my dreams are in a way that tells me the accomplishment of my dreams is not possible. 

It is funny (and sad) how much those comments are like miracle grow to any doubts already in your heart, mind, or spirit. 

And so I dig,  I dig for a reminder that I am forever loved and just the way I am now and not what I will be.  It's a bit amazing really when you think that He knows  everything about us... more than anyone else in the world... more than we know ourselves.  And yet He loves us.  How quickly we judge others.  How quickly we put a cost on our love and friendship.  How different would the world be if we just loved each other without judgement.  Without the ridicule.  Without the assumptions that are made daily.  

I am participating in If:Equip for many reasons.  I find it pretty amazing to think that thousands of people are reading the same verses as me each day.  Some days the verses hit me hard and other days I end with a prayer for the person or people that truly needed to hear the verses on that day. 

I also participate because while I used to be consistent with my daily Bible study I have not yet discovered the secret of balance in my new life. My day begins with a 5am alarm telling me to get out of bed and toss on my workout clothes or running shoes. This is followed by a physically and emotionally exhausting 10-11 hr work day.  I am exhausted by the time I end my day and it is not uncommon for me to walk in the door, take a shower, and climb in bed.  If it is a day that requires work at home add that to the list. 

So for now my attempt at balance (and sanity) is If:Equip at some point during the day and attempts to work on the books in my book stack by some amazing Christian authors for extra encouragement, motivation, and reality checks. 

There is a reassurance in my soul that this is enough for now but the expectations will surely grow.  I have no idea what God has planned for me but the unrest in my soul tells me it is something life changing and far outside of my comfort zone.

It seems fitting that I have reconnected with a couple of friends from long ago as they settle in to their God called life in the far boundaries of their comfort zone.  I came across a verse the other day that instantly reminded me of them. 

""The Word became flesh and blood and moved into the neighborhood." John 1:14 (The Message)

They packed up their belongings and six fair skinned red headed children and moved where God told them to go.  An old farm house in the downtown region of a small Southern town where the color of their skin determines who speaks to them, how they are treated, and the doorways that are passable.  Seeing their adaptation and the way they are helping others is amazing but also terrifying.  What if God asked the same of me.  Could I do it? Could you? 

Please check them out: 

My friend Lori


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