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28 May 2013

Up Close and maybe Too Personal

I spent a day last week repotting plants with my mom. I have several plants that were not repotted in my time in Boston. In the city it is too much work to lug around bags of potting soil.  As we began it became apparent that my spider plants were root bond. I wish I had taken a picture of the roots. When the plants were removed from the pot the roots were so tightly wound around each other that soil was almost nonexistent.  The picture shows the thirteen spider plants that were removed from my one very small blue pot.  How sad. 
The plants weren't healthy. They were pale and anemic looking.  I get it. Many are surprised to find that I am an introvert. 

I love people young and old. Really I do. I can put on a smile and meet new people and fulfill the proper actions. However -- meeting new people is terrifying to me. People always say how surprising that is for them. "It seems so easy. " "You seem so natural. "  

The truth is -- it is a skill I have developed. I grew up as a minister's daughter. Move to a new church and everyone expects you to know them because they know your name. They never seem to realize that they only have 4 names to learn while we have 100s. You learn really quickly how to paste on a smile, be friendly, and never let on that you are uncomfortable. 

That being said - I love spending time with a small group of close friends or family but I regain my energy from time alone or with one other.  

 I understand my plants -- when surrounded by too many for too long you either lose a part of yourself or you just don't make it. 

I lost part of myself in the process of finding myself in Boston.  Time in the country, hands in the dirt, wandering through farmer's markets, and laughter with friends and family has begun a renewal. 

I am ready for a new start but I am going into it with specific goals for myself. A neighborhood in which I can run. A possible adult gymnastics class. Cello lessons. A church in which I fit and can be involved. ( but not too involved). I need balance. I long for balance. 

How do you find balance?
Happy spider plants. 


Lori Harris said...

First of all, I'm pretty sure that all of my plants have cramped roots. I was unaware that they needed to be repotted. Now I know. Secondly, I have no idea how to live a balanced life. I read a lot of books about boundaries and margins and such, but I'm no good at living it out. I think that this lack of balance is part of the curse, this need to be better, smarter, faster, than those around us. It's hard to find balance when we're after progress...whatever progress looks like for the individual. love you friend-

Christa said...

Hi Lori! I have tried to reply to this comment many times on my iPhone and I type a long response and then hit submit and it disappears. Oh the joy of technology :)

As for the plants -- It is amazing what they can survive. If you want help with replants I will be more than happy to do that one weekend in exchange for your quacamole recipe :)

As for the balanced life -- I am still working on it -- and trying to put plans in place now that will allow that balance to occur. My walk/runs most days is helping.

I don't think for me it comes to the battle of being -er. (better, smarter, faster...) I think it is about being equal to or as good as the others. And just in reading that you know there is a part of me that really has to work on that. It is not about others. It's about what I feel about myself.. As i think is true for so many people.

Society doesn't help with it's constant propaganda for things to make you thinner, prettier, younger looking, or your life easier.

I will keep working on it -- and you let me know if you have any book titles you can recommend :)