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31 May 2013

As I Sit....

I sit and listen to the deep breathing of a baby as he begins to awaken from his morning nap on the play mat. I hear the sweet sound of an almost 2 year old's pleading to get out of a nap.  I hear the birds chirp and hear the dog paws scratching on the deck as an old dog begins her journey in search of someone she can kiss and get some lovin' in return.   

It is a peaceful morning in the mountains at my sister's house and a great way to begin the weekend. 


The day will end with a really nice dinner with friends who have become family and a late night drive down the interstate. 

I hope your weekend finds peace, hope, kisses, and lovin' :)

28 May 2013

Up Close and maybe Too Personal

I spent a day last week repotting plants with my mom. I have several plants that were not repotted in my time in Boston. In the city it is too much work to lug around bags of potting soil.  As we began it became apparent that my spider plants were root bond. I wish I had taken a picture of the roots. When the plants were removed from the pot the roots were so tightly wound around each other that soil was almost nonexistent.  The picture shows the thirteen spider plants that were removed from my one very small blue pot.  How sad. 
The plants weren't healthy. They were pale and anemic looking.  I get it. Many are surprised to find that I am an introvert. 

I love people young and old. Really I do. I can put on a smile and meet new people and fulfill the proper actions. However -- meeting new people is terrifying to me. People always say how surprising that is for them. "It seems so easy. " "You seem so natural. "  

The truth is -- it is a skill I have developed. I grew up as a minister's daughter. Move to a new church and everyone expects you to know them because they know your name. They never seem to realize that they only have 4 names to learn while we have 100s. You learn really quickly how to paste on a smile, be friendly, and never let on that you are uncomfortable. 

That being said - I love spending time with a small group of close friends or family but I regain my energy from time alone or with one other.  

 I understand my plants -- when surrounded by too many for too long you either lose a part of yourself or you just don't make it. 

I lost part of myself in the process of finding myself in Boston.  Time in the country, hands in the dirt, wandering through farmer's markets, and laughter with friends and family has begun a renewal. 

I am ready for a new start but I am going into it with specific goals for myself. A neighborhood in which I can run. A possible adult gymnastics class. Cello lessons. A church in which I fit and can be involved. ( but not too involved). I need balance. I long for balance. 

How do you find balance?
Happy spider plants. 






15 May 2013

Head to Wall. Repeat.

Each day I awake to the following sound....
tap. Tap. TAp. TAP. TAP. TAP. taptaptaptaptap.

Get the picture?

The culprit?

A lovely red male cardinal who beats his head against my sliding glass door each day in attempts to take out the other lovely red male cardinal in the window.

Himself.

While the tapping is incredibly obnoxious it is a sound that resounds deep within me.

How often do we tap our fingers as we fidget?  How often do we bang our heads against the wall in frustration / aggravation / or anguish?  How often do we fight ourselves?

Each day we awake with a need to have a day that is better than the one before.  A day in which we are better than we were the day before.

We lose a few pounds and are happy but then we look in the mirror and wish for more.  We like the outfit we are wearing but wish it were different or that we had more?  We get our haircut and it is good for a week and then we convince ourselves that it is no longer good enough.

We are loved unconditionally by a Father no matter our look, our size, or our job. And yet we tear ourselves down with each breath we take and take shots at others around us.  We listen to society as they whisper in our ear that we are not enough. That we will never be enough.

What will it take for us decide that we are perfect just the way we are?

I don't have the answer --- this is an answer I seek on a daily basis.  I can only try to be the best me that I can be.

One of my favorite quotes---

"All you've got is all you can give and that will always be enough."
-Sarah Mueller

12 May 2013

Commencement Complete.

I arrived home last night around midnight after a mini vacation to Boston with my mom, dad, sister, and friend.

The day of commencement began with a hooding ceremony and was followed with commencing of diplomas.

 I am surrounded by lovely people at the end of the alphabet and when the ceremony became boring the shoe watching increased.  Those nurses wear some CRAZY shoes!







More pictures to follow later ---- For now..... my bed is calling my name.

08 May 2013

07 May 2013

Job!

I now officially have a job at the Children's Hospital of the King's Daughters in Norfolk, VA.  (http://www.chkd.org/)

I will share more later but for now ----

Lots of Praise for an unexpected job in an unexpected place. Thrilled.

Now.... to pack my suitcase for Commencement in Boston with family, classmates, and friends.


05 May 2013

Broken Hallelujah.


The song "Hallelujah" has been on my mind a lot lately.  In response I currently awake to the tune each morning.
It seems to me we go through phases.  Some phases include a strong hallelujah, some are a bit less strong, and some phases are more for the Broken Hallelujahs.
During this morning's sermon a verse was loosely quoted --- when we are so broken that we can't even voice our needs/requests -- the Holy Spirit speaks on our behalf.
Deep in my soul I know that God not only hears my strong and boisterous Hallelujahs He also hears our quiet broken Hallelujahs spoken when it takes every ounce of strength we can muster.
No matter phase you are currently in --- I hope you know you are loved. You are cherished. You are supported.
(I like this video of the song -- it was recorded backstage during Winter Jam.  It's like going to church as these girls worship their Father)



Hallelujah
I've heard there was a secret chordThat David played and it pleased the LordBut you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this, the fourth, the fifthThe minor fall, the major liftThe baffled king composing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujahHallelujah, hallelujah
Your faith was strong but you needed proofYou saw her bathing on the roofHer beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chairShe broke your throne, she cut your hairAnd from your lips she drew the hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujahHallelujah, hallelujah
Maybe I've been here beforeI know this room, I've walked this floorI used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble archLove is not a victory marchIt's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujahHallelujah, hallelujah
There was a time you let me knowWhat's real and going on belowBut now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you?The holy dark was moving tooAnd every breath we drew was hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujahHallelujah, hallelujah
Maybe there's a God aboveAnd all I ever learned from loveWas how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
And it's not a cry you can hear at nightIt's not somebody who's seen the lightIt's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujahHallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujahHallelujah, hallelujah
(Rufus Wainwright)

04 May 2013

I Long.

I long for Community.

I long to Belong.

I long for Family.

I long for Fresh air and Open spaces.



I long for Confidence in me as a person and my gifts/skills.

I long for Understanding.

I long for Peace.

Everyone longs for something.  For what do you long?


01 May 2013

Kids.

Today I smell like baby.  You know the smell. Baby shampoo. Rice cereal. Breast Milk. Wet Kisses. Love. 

I don't have kids of my own but God has blessed me with the opportunity to love on many children in my lifetime.  Today it was love for my adorable nephews.  Seriously. A-dor-a-ble.

Photo Photo

Have you seen anyone cuter? If you say yes -then I don't believe you :)

It's time to get ready for bed. Shower. Pjs. Etc.  And yet I find myself hesitant because then I lose the smell of my little loves.


Looking forward to being in the same state or neighboring state to watch my tiny loves grow into strong, independent, compassionate, respectful, amazing men of God.


-Aunt Christa