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17 November 2009

Aging...

   On November 7th I became a different woman.  I am no longer "twenty-something."  I am now twenty-ten, otherwise known as "the big three-o" or "30"!!!  Woohoo!  My friends and family can attest to the fact that I have been counting down this day for years.  I craved a time when I would be thirty.  I don't fear a number like so many of my fellow females... Somehow though I pictured my life differently.  Here is what it was supposed to look like:

As a child I dreamed:
  • finishing up medical school and working on specialty certifications (pediatrics/orthopedics)
  • settling down, getting married (engaged), and planning a family
  • finding a small comfy house to call my own (a fixer upper that I can live in while I pay off my school loans)
  • getting an older dog from the pound to love....
  • spending time with my family / celebrating holidays at my home
As a twenty-something (the last couple of years) I dreamed:
  • graduate school pre-requisites would be finished
  • in grad school with a great average, friends, and loving the grind of school
  • enjoying my friends' babies/kids :)
  • loving on Lucinda Lou (my cat)
  • keeping an eye out for the man chosen for me
  • proud of myself for accomplishing some of my goals
  • healthy and not constantly dealing with doctors
    These are my musings of where I thought I would be on my thirtieth year.  In reality I have no job, no school, no apartment, and am struggling with where to go from here.  This is my new reality.  My old reality was my friend coming to Boston for my birthday to spend a weekend of fun, food, and fellowship.  In some ways I think I was gifted something even better.
  
      For my birthday there were many questions of what I wanted to do.  In all actuality I didn't know and I didn't want to have to plan anything.  It seems that in the last months my life has become a constant run of decision making.... It's not the little decisions that bother me...it's the ones that can determine the next five, ten, twenty years of my life.  I just didn't want to plan something.  So I cheated.  I told my sister my top two choices and she chose the one I wanted.  I  called the people who had been wanting to do something for my birthday and I ended up with five of my favorite people celebrating with me.  It was a night of food, singing, bowling, arcade games, skeeball, air hockey, Ms. Pac-man, etc....  It was great!

    It's funny how your birthday makes you think about where you've been and where you want to go.  I find that Christmas has the same sentimentality for me. If my plans had worked out as I first dreamed I wouldn't know either of my two closest friends.  I wouldn't have Lucy as a constant companion. I wouldn't have spent four months in a brownstone in the South End of Boston (with the best soft serve with mix-ins, ever!).  Life would be different, but would it really be better?


  I kept dragging my feet because I didn't feel like there was really anything to celebrate.  However, I was reminded by a friend "Christa you have a lot to celebrate.... for you it's important to celebrate the fact that you have continued to live for 30 years." (paraphrase)  Let me elaborate:  I am accident prone, health challenged, and not lucky when dealing with cars.  There have been a few wrecks I should not have walked away from in one piece and one that I said goodbye to my family in my head because I didn't think I would be on this earth 2 seconds later.  My Grandmama Pearl once said I was like a cat with nine lives.  Her favorite quote for me has been on a wall in EVERY apartment in which I've lived.....

"Christa, God must really have something really special planned for you.  There have been multiple times when you could have been taken from us but you are meant for something amazing.  Focus on our Father, your purpose, and the compassion you have for others.... The rest will work itself out...."

There are days when it's easy to believe and others that are a struggle but I was never promised an easy life.  I learn something important with each struggle.  I'm just trying to hang on and ride the waves without drowning :)

   How did you imagine your life would be?  Is it different than the reality you live each day?  How many gifts have you received because of the change?