12 July 2009
...is when my mind catches up with me. All of the things I push aside during the day come in like a flood in the evening. How does that work?
It's the time when I want to call people but every one's asleep. I want to read a book but the textbooks seem to be calling my name. I wish there was someone to come home to. Someone to share my hopes and dreams with. Someone to share my disappointments with. Wow! That sounds so incredibly cheesy :) It's not that I am unhappy to be single or dream of being married all the time. It's not like that. It's just the random moments when the longing of my heart is stronger than the reality of life.
I know I'm where I'm supposed to be. In the program I'm supposed to be in. Spending my days with the group of people I'm supposed to have as colleagues. Living in the city of my dreams. Studying human bones and living in a cadaver lab..... I know that for once in my life I am in the place and position that God intended. I'm not sitting on the line. I'm here and I'm working hard to stay here.
I talked to a great friend for a long time today and was trying to explain how it feels to be here. Most days my day goes by and I wonder where it went and how it passed so fast. Some days I want so badly to be able to drive down the street and visit a friend for food and game night or drive and hour and be at my parent's house to cook a meal, chat, and laugh... Other days I don't miss it. It's not because I don't truly miss them. It's because there is some surreal phenomenon that occurs where my brain thinks they are still nearby. It doesn't comprehend that I can't meet Christy for coffee and errands after work. I can't text Traci to meet at Barnes and Noble. I don't have Thursday movie and game night with Laurie to look forward to each week. I can't pop in at Cheryl's house for a good meal, craft/sewing talk, and laughter. I can't crash on the couch at Mama and Daddy's house and cook food and watch all the good girlie flicks like.... Miss Congeniality, Sense and Sensibility, Pride and Prejudice, Sweet Home Alabama... I can't go to the Watson's house and hang out with Bubbaloo. There's no shooting pool, crashing on the couch, getting lost in video games (literally lost :) ), watching Jackie Chan movies, and Big Bang Theory marathons. Today was a day when I craved my old life. I miss the love, the camaraderie, the comfort, and the laughter.... It's strange... a strange reality.
A storm has begun and the lightning outside my third floor window is amazing.... I'm heading to bed to enjoy the sound of the rain and thunder.... G'Night All!!!