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27 March 2009

Early Morning Pondering...

It's 2:45am and I'm obviously unable to sleep.

Things I have tried (in the last 3 hours) to induce sleep:

  • lying in the dark with eyes closed and silence...

  • lying in the dark with eyes closed and gentle piano (Dino) in the background with nature sounds

  • reading four chapters of Eleanor Roosevelt (I love her!)

  • drinking hot tea (just encouraged trips from bed to bathroom :) )

  • cuddling with Lucinda Lou (my cat)

  • a warm shower

  • catching up on reading blogs I follow (sick children in my church...)

  • catching up on Flickr

  • catching up on my Scrabble games with Mama

  • updating playlist

  • .....writing this blog entry

So here I sit absolutely totally truly awake without an inkling of sleepiness. Could it be the fried zucchini I ate with dinner? (It's AWESOME!!! --Jam's Deli at Friendly Center for those of you in GSO) Could it be the stress about school? Could it be excitement of spending some time with my parents? Could it be the need to plan the meals and food prep for freezing at Mama and Daddy's? Who knows why...

Observations of my day: (boring... I know...)

  1. Laurie's birthday is tomorrow and she'll be the old age of 27!
  2. Children get sick..but God is sovereign.
  3. Brenner's Children Hospital is an amazing gift of God....
  4. Rain makes the air smell like eucalyptus (my neighbor has a tree)
  5. I like the sound of the rain on my AC unit
  6. If you wear pants that are too long and shoes that are low and it rains... you have to hold your pant legs up as you walk through the yard....
  7. Friends are a good thing to have.
  8. A full size washer and dryer is better than my friend's English washer and dryer that are a 1/3 size of mine...
  9. I do not look forward to carrying my laundry down stairs and through streets to a laundry mat in Boston.
  10. Music from my childhood is much more comforting than the music of today (wow that made me sound much older than my 29 years)
  11. Some people choose to photoshop their photos while I choose to leave mine alone. We will never agree on this matter....let's just respect each other....
  12. Seeing children I know in the hospital makes me even more certain of my purpose in being a pediatric PT.
  13. The Lord works in mysterious ways... using a ultrasound after a UTI to show a tumor in a 2.5 yr old.... using a neb treatment to keep an infant in the hospital just when he needed to be there due to SVT.... using a young boy's spinal surgeries and blog to bring others closer to Himself...... Wow!
  • What have you noticed today? What little things jumped out at you and said.... "Hey I made this just for you... I love you..." That's what He says in each flower, tree, bird, raindrop, sun ray, child, adult, laugh..... (click on the photo at the bottom of this post and see if you notice a part of the pansy you don't normally see...)

Think of all of the flowers that bloom and no one sees them.... Look around... pay attention and you just may see an "I love you" sign made just for you!

May God bless you with a great day of small blessings and great surprises....but just in case you worry... Remember

Psalm 94:19 "For when anxiety was great within me, Your consolation brought joy to my soul." (JOY!!!)

24 March 2009

Love...True and Simple...

I listened to a young lady at school discussing her need to go to school in order to find a husband that is worth having. Hmmmmmmm.... She is "planning"/contemplating going to PT school. After listening to the sad and ridiculous conversation for a while she turns to me and says "You're going to PT school, aren't you? You understand what I'm saying." Ummm.. NO! I'm going to school for me. It has nothing to do with the expectations others have for me or my future husband. Quite frankly, I want a husband who would love me if I was fat and a trash collector, thin and a PT, or rich and a doctor. I want someone who wants me for me... not for what I have done or what I will become... I certainly not going to graduate school to gain a husband.

I'm going to grad school to gain a knowledge that will allow others to participate in daily functions with less pain. I'm going to grad school to use my background as a patient to be a compassionate supporter of my patients. I'm going to grad school in order to be a better advocate for my patients. I'm going to grad school to accrue a massive debt. I'm going to grad school for me... because I know my purpose... I know my calling... and I have not struggled this long and worked this hard for nothing. I'm going to grad school because God has deemed it so and because I busted my butt, worked hard, and TRUSTED!

The lyrics below are for a song "Love Me" by JJ Heller. The song is the last one on my playlist. (You should listen to it... it's beautiful...)

This song really deals with the deep inner need that we all have to feel loved. Unconditionally, no strings attached.... Truly loved... In the end is a reminder of the one who loves us... always!

-JJ Heller

He cries in the corner where nobody sees He’s the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, “Dear God won’t you please
Could you send someone here who will love me?”

Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means

Her office is shrinking a little each day
She’s the woman whose husband has run away
She’ll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner
Then he would’ve stayed
And she says…

Who will love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love, what love really means

He’s waiting to die as he sits all alone
He’s a man in a cell who regrets what he’s done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
“Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home”
Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said
“I know you’ve murdered and I know you’ve lied
I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you’ll listen, I’ll tell you that I...”

I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew.

23 March 2009

My Morning....

...This morning I was still under the covers chanting to myself... "Today's going to be a good IS going to be a good day.... today's going to be a good day.... This is gonna be a good week.... This IS going to be a GOOD week....." So as I jumped in the shower and dressed for my cardio kickboxing class I was feeling confident that today was going to be a good day!... I then grabbed my water bottle and my student ID, locked the door, headed down the hill, and this is what I found...... worries... the hubcap was already gone! However the tire didn't look like that when I parked it on Saturday... I'm no expert on cars but my dad made sure I knew enough: I can check/add oil, add gas, add water, check tire pressure, add air, change a tire...and even change the oil and air filter (thanks to my brother in law).... I know enough to know...this isn't good!
I didn't think it would be wise to change it with my back. Seeing as how I have to jump up and down to get the bolts off....I would be feeling it for days. So I shot a text to one of my dear friends (I just knew she would be able to help!). Unfortunately, she doesn't know how to change a tire, yet! BUT...her lovely boyfriend was home sick today and willing to help me out!!!!! So after stealing a block from a neighbor (with a No Trespassing sign on his door), removing the flat, putting on an almost flat doughnut, and putting air in the doughnut.... I headed to the tire place...
Only to find that my flat had four nails in it...and oh by the way...the tires have dry rot... So after hours of waiting and hundreds of dollars I didn't have... I now have four new tires. There is, however, something to be said for new tires. There was a tremendous difference in the ease of steering!
I'm hoping this afternoon takes a curve and climbs a hill instead of continuing on a downward slope!

22 March 2009

So the Gist of it is..... has been an amazing and horrific two weeks!!

The amazing!... I was accepted to my top two choices. Massachusetts General Hospital Institute of Health Professions ("MGH Institute" "the Institute" "Mass General Institute") and University of St. Augustine. Honestly, when I was accepted into the program at MGH I was hoping I would not be accepted to St. Aug. (I'm not so fond of making hard decisions about myself). No such luck. To make matters more interesting....St. Aug starts in Sept which would give me longer to find a place to live, more time with friends and family, and a chance to breathe... but when it comes down to it....

.... living in Boston is one of my dreams. I came home from a medical internship 12 years ago declaring I was going to live in Boston one day. My parents did what all parents do... "ok.. honey"
It was hard for me to apply to schools in Boston. It's a long way from home, it snows there (a lot), the rent is outrageous, it's a huge city, it's not handicap accessible in a friendly way....but then I kept coming back to my longing to live there. So I applied and figured if I was invited for an interview I would decide about living there. With invitations for two interviews I nearly ran to the plane..... During my time in Boston I kept trying to find reasons for me to not live there. I couldn't.... other than cost. In the end.... I'm single... I have no children....and my parents are not in need of me full time... Now would be the best time to go.. And just in case you don't know... the DPT program at MGH Institute is rated (#5/#7) in the country..... (there's a three way tie for fifth they could be fifth, sixth, or seventh :) ).

I applied to this school for fun. It's a school I would love to attend but never expected to get into (like someone with a C/D average applying to Harvard). Did I mention that my first class at MGH will be at Harvard Medical School ?

So obviously in my wandering speech you can see that I made a decision... Now the bad news....

Although it looks like I qualify for the cost of tuition and cost of living in loans. I will NOT receive my student loans until two weeks after school starts.

Let me elaborate....Between now and two weeks into classes I have to: pay deposit ($400) , get an apartment ($6,000 down.. minimum), buy books ($900), connect utilities (will have to pay deposits since I'll have no income), buy clothes (I have none...and especially not nice, khaki, or business), buy scrubs, move (boxes, tape, U-haul truck), go to Boston for apt (flight, hotel, food).... the list goes on and on.... You can see the problem....

So I'm a bit stressed.....and at this point I don't know....

03 March 2009

Guess What....

...I interviewed at MGH Institute in Boston on Saturday morning....

...Saturday afternoon.......

...I was ACCEPTED!!!!