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25 February 2009

One Down....

...and Two to Go!

Last weekend was University of St. Augustine, FL. This week it is Boston!!!! Within three and a half hours... I will be sitting beside Christy... on a plane.... going to BOSTON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! By 6:30 (barring any delays) we'll be arriving in Boston...and Laurie will be arriving tomorrow.

I'm sorry.. Do I sound excited? I am! and nervous...and exhausted....and terrified.... and enjoying the ride! Please pray for traveling safety for all of us, a calming of my nerves, the best words to say...and the riddance of what I have named "Interview Brain Mush" :) (on a previous entry there is a much more eloquent prayer!)

I'll let you know how it goes and I'm sure there will be tons of Boston and St. Augustine pics both here and at my flickr account!
(the picture is of Daddy and me at Vilano Beach (St. Augustine, FL)

16 February 2009

It's Almost.... thirty in the morning and I can't sleep!!!
(the pic above is from my trip with Christy to Old Salem. This old bed looked incredibly uncomfortable and as the guide described it it sounded uncomfortable. After lying down I didn't want to get back up.... It was like laying on very comfy clouds!)

I have to be in my potluck aerobics class at 9:30am. It's a long day with the need to get pants hemmed (by Wed), a doctor appointment tomorrow afternoon, and a test in Biomechanics on Tuesday. Throw B's teacher workday into the mix and it makes for a very hairy situation.

The sleep just isn't coming. The stress and tension about things needed and preparations for my upcoming interviews is building up. It's hard to eat, it's hard to sleep, and hard to study for my current classes... Aggghhhh!!!!! I just keep quoting
Psalm 94:19....

19 When doubts filled my mind, Your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer. (NLT)

19 When anxiety was great within me, Your consolation brought joy to my soul. (NIV)

My favorite is still the NIV. I love the idea that He not only just removes the anxiety... He takes it away and replaces it with JOY! I can attest to the fact that the anxiety in me can only be taken away by Him. It is certainly nothing I can do alone.

Help me to rely on You and you alone!
Help me to find comfort in Your wisdom and guidance.
Help me to do the best that I can do
and not compare myself to others achievements or faults.
Help my mind to stay clear and my thoughts to become unmuddled.
Help me to shine with my faith in you...
my love for the medical field....
my passion for children....
and my excitement about the PT and OT fields.
Help my body to continue on to a healthier lifestyle
and allow my body to respond with a reduction in pain.
Help me to remain focused and survive...
one day at a time.
and Lord,
Help me to realize that who I am is all I can be...
and that's good enough...
and at times...
that's Great!

07 February 2009

Tree Hugger

The flower said, "I wish I was a tree,"
The tree said, "I wish I could be a different kind of tree,
The cat wished that it was a bee,
The turtle wished that it could fly really high into the sky,
Over rooftops and then dive deep into the sea.

And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus with a pink flower on it. (x2)

And the flower would be its offering of love to the desert.
And the desert, So dry and lonely,
That the creatures all appreciate the effort.

And the rattlesnake said,"I wish I had hands so I could hug you like a man."
And then the cactus said,"Don't you understand,
My skin is covered with sharp spikes that'll stab you like a thousand knives.
A hug would be nice, but hug my flower with your eyes."

The flower said, "I wish I was a tree,"
The tree said, "I wish I could be a different kind of tree,
The cat wished that it was a bee,
The turtle wished that it could fly
Really high into the sky,
Over rooftops and then dive deep into the sea.

And in the sea there is a fish,
A fish that has a secret wish,
A wish to be a big cactus with a pink flower on it. (x2)

And the flower would be its offering of love to the desert.
And the desert, So dry and lonely, that the creatures all appreciate the effort.

These are lyrics for a song "Tree Hugger" on the Juno soundtrack. I've heard this song many many times. However yesterday in preparation for an evening with one of my favorite boys..... I dug through cds for a change of pace from dancing to Aretha Franklin... (yes we do it...and I am NOT ashamed :) ) In searching I uncovered the Juno soundtrack. It hasn't been in my car since I moved and B and I were really excited. After a long and fun night of movies, Red Robin, and shooting pool I drove home. This song began playing as I turned on the car and the lyrics seemed to have an entirely different meaning to me....

Each of these creatures is unhappy with who or what they are. They each want to be something or someone different. How often do we wish we were something different? Here is just a short list of mine:

  • thinner
  • smarter
  • healthier
  • clearer skin
  • better musician
  • more organized
  • not a second attempt student
  • better a Bible study
  • good at memorizing scripture
  • better dresser
  • less of a procrastinator...
  • (be back in a few minutes.... just kidding!) :)
  • better daughter, granddaughter, sister, niece, friend...
  • more patient
  • more kind
  • more loving......
  • .....and the list goes on and on

No one will ever be perfect. It's not possible and even when we come close there is always something that we think could be better. What happened to being happy where you are with who you are.

I have been told by people and friends many times: "You can't seriously be as content as you are to be single and childless..." WOW! Yes I can. I'm not saying I am 100% content all of the time but I know that this is where I am supposed to be right now and going to school is my current purpose. I will add, however, that there are definitely times when I see a couple walking down the street holding hands (especially cute old couples) that I think... "I want that.." Or times like last night at Red Robin when a tiny baby in a carrier was laid at my feet. (In my head... "ohhh... I want to be a mom...--and the ache that comes with that thought, even now as I type it). But I know that I am on the right path.... I will only stagger... I will not falter! However

I realize that as each day dawns new doubts creep into our minds. Am I good enough for PT school? Will I ever get my apartment to look decent? Can I possibly get an A on my quiz/test? I wish I could run to class and not die at the end... When I dress for my cardiac aerobics class I try on three pairs of workout pants (I only own three but I try each on every time....). I enjoy my job because the boys don't care what I wear... I shocked B last week when my outfit included makeup and heels. (I was heading to the opera with Laurie after work) He was no more impressed than when I pick him up in jeans, t-shirt, and a hoodie. However in the rest of the world this is not the case and thus people all over the country stand in front of a mirror and judge the body parts with which they are most unhappy. I often think women are much more beautiful without a ton of makeup. Thousands of people go through plastic surgery for apperance. This can't be good! Really! Each time I look in the mirror I strive to name the things I love about myself... It's getting easier!

Think about these lyrics... watch the videos.... What would you want to change? God sees you as perfect...The ones who love you see you as much more than you see yourself... Look in the mirror, smile, and think of all that you have to offer the world. The cactus' flower was an offering of love to a dry and lonely desert. What kind of offering can we be to a world who is struggling...

The lyrics and my post will be above.... Watch and enjoy!

04 February 2009

As of today...

...I am a bit heartbroken....

I know it sounds a bit ridiculous..However, I arrived home today after "cardiac step" class to find an envelope from Boston University in my mailbox. The envelope contained an nonacceptance letter for the DPT program. The hope was that I would be accepted there and then go to my interviews with a little less stress about acceptance. That is not how it's worked out.

So instead of eating the entire package of E.L. Fudge cookies sitting beside me...I thought I would pick up my yarn and crochet hook, turn off the TV, silence my phone...and think... This is what part of my mental travels.... (in no specific order/the way my brain works...)

  • Without my change of degree I wouldn't have a child development degree and my knowledge of children with disabilities...

  • Without my Grandmama telling me to "get off the fence" I wouldn't have gotten this far.

  • Without my medical internship in high school (to Boston) I would have never fallen in love with the city.... (An amazing thing when you think about it... When I went to Boston I was planning to become a doctor. God knew then that I would change my degree but what I learned and the places I visited would help shape my future..)

  • Without the many drives to Burlington to visit Christy and passing the "Elon University" signs the passion may not have been fueled...

  • Without the wreck three years ago I wouldn't have met Katie, DPT or further understood the pain and struggles that accompany rehabilitation of the back, neck, and hips... or the struggle necessary to deal with chronic pain...

  • Without BU I would not have looked at the other schools in Boston...

  • Without Christy working at Gateway I probably wouldn't have been able to volunteer there

  • Without volunteering at Gateway I would have been unaware of the connections that need to be made between occupational therapy and physical therapy in order to provide greater success for the patient...

  • Without meeting Chris Lewis I wouldn't have met Timothy.... ... and Timothy has further cemented that working with children with special needs is my purpose!

  • Without friends and family experiencing my travels with me...I would be even more stressed (I know...hard to believe :) ) about my upcoming traveling and interviews....

  • The harder I work..the more I want to be a DPT; the more I want to be a DPT the harder I work...

  • The more I struggle...the more friends and family reassure....

  • True friends are there for you no matter what....They get annoyed when you aren't around but understand that you are balancing all the plate you can and it changes from day to day..

  • Love is unconditional...when someone needs you you go...when someone calls you you listen...and when someone is struggling you aim to lift them up....(The ASL sign for "help" is the right hand in a fist placed on top of the left hand (palm side up)...Now lift the right hand with the left and you just signed help... This is what we should be doing for each other.. Tearing down each other helps no one!!

  • Patience is a virtue that I do not have!!!!!

  • I crave a much simpler life....

  • I enjoy laughing, crying, playing games, eating, watching movies, and spending time with loved ones.... (I wish I could do it more often)

  • I truly enjoy crocheting and knitting items for other people.... My first baby blanket was for Timothy (the amazing little boy listed above.... please read his blog... he is undergoing some heartbreaking surgeries...) and I crocheted a bright pink one for his sister...because every big sister deserves a gift :)

  • Without the love of my family I would be nothing....

  • I love to cook and want to eat healthy..... I wish it was cheaper to do so...

  • I have no backup plan....without DPT it will be starting over again....

  • I don't want to think about a backup plan.... Being a DPT is the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think of at night.....
I hope you enjoyed the list...Feel free to add your own :)