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29 April 2008

Step by Little Step

Yesterday during a physics review session/party I was truly blessed. I was blessed with the true joy of being able to hold the most beautiful baby I have ever seen.

His name is Josiah and he's six months old. His mom is from Nigeria and a fellow student.

I am often asked why, "Why aren't you married?" When this gets an unsatisfactory answer I am asked, "Don't you want kids?" As if I am fifty instead of twenty-eight. The truth is I do want children. very much. And yes I realize all of the complications that age can add to childbearing.... I have come to the realization that people judge by what they know. If you are married, have children and are happy. Then you assume that that is what everyone else needs to be happy. There is no fault in it but it's not necessarily true. I have quite a few friends both single and married who have no desire to have children now or in the future. I, for one, am thrilled with the idea of people who don't want kids not having kids.

But why when young people are single do we ask, "Are you seeing someone?" If they are dating we ask, "When are you going to get engaged?" Then it's, "When are you going to get married?" And then immediately following the wedding is..... "When are you going to have children? Are you going to have kids?" I watch my friends struggle with where they are and who they are. Not because of what they want for themselves or how they see themselves. It's because of the expectations of others and the pressure that is felt due to those expectations.

Holding Josiah yesterday I realized how much I truly want to be a mom. It is a part of who I am. It makes my heart literally ache to think about it. It isn't true for everyone but it's true for me. But for now it's school. Going to get my degree is what I need to do. How can I one day tell my kids that they can achieve anything that they put their minds to and to reach for their dreams if I don't reach for mine? For now I will love on others babies...I will use my maternal instincts in other ways and I will wait on the Lord.

Step by step You lead me. And I will follow you all of my days....


CHRISTA said...

the pic was taken at my mom and dad''s a friend's foot. Not small enough to be mine :)

Laurie said... big foot! I didn't realize you'd taken that shot. :)
Good words to think about here. Is it fitting that I'm listening to "Let It Be" as I write this?? :)
Yes, too often we inflict our opinion on others about what we think will bring happiness when what we should be doing is finding out what happiness is for different people. And it can be multiple things, and some must come before others can be reached.

CHRISTA said...

In response to..."Any words of wisdom to those of us who don’t know exactly what we want in various areas of our lives??"

Keep looking is all I can say. You know I will say "lots of prayer." But I know that that is an area with which some are uncomfortable. Most of my answers come from the spending time in the word, paying attention to those around me, noticing what brings me calm/peace, and knowing who I am as a person and who I want to be. How do I want to be remembered? How do I want to be described?

Laurie said...

William James said something like "Life is best lived when doing something that outlasts it."
I try to make that my "guide" when I am evaluating what direction I see my life going in...

JCT said...

I thought I recognized the clover, blocks and foot in the picture. It was good to hear all of the little and a little larger feet on the floors of the house. I hope all of us can do it again really soon.