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23 April 2008

Gonna Take a While

"Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night.""- Charles M. Schulz

I love this quote! And who doesn't love Charles M. Schulz.....Peanuts:) We all grew up with Peanuts characters. Granddaddy Cotton used to call me Peppermint Patty- I definitely have her tomboy (non girlie) side...that for sure :) I found this quote about eight months ago and didn't realize then how true it would become.

I started going to counseling with a highly recommended (by friends and ministerial staff) man around Thanksgiving. Ultimately my life is good but bad things have happened along the way. I got really good at dealing with it enough to survive. After years it builds up. I got tired..emotionally, physically, spiritually, psychologically rundown with no explanation. For me going to counseling was not a failure but my own personal need to be there was a failure within myself. The Lord works in mysterious ways. A friend's response was "I'm glad to know you aren't perfect....it's nice to know you are human."

It becomes easy to not lean on people for fear of becoming a burden. But in doing that we lead them to believe that we don't need anyone. This isn't true. Look at all of the things that we get out of relationships...the joy of giving...the laughter, the fellowship.... Look at all of the fellowship in the Bible. Jesus surrounded himself with friends. He had close friends and acquaintances. Becoming a social hermit doesn't help anyone. Many years ago upon meeting someone I was told "I don't have friends, I don't need friends, I don't want friends." I thought it was a ridiculous sentiment and tried my hardest to break through her wall. She is now my closest friend but I find that over time I have adopted part of the sentiment that I used to find ridiculous. It's hard to trust. It means you open yourself up to the potential for hurt. And many of us have been hurt in friendships and relationships. But if you don't open up you don't have the potential for the joy that the friendship can bring.... (just some ramblings from one hermit to another......)

2 comments:

Mary said...

yeah...even Jesus rolled 12 deep

Ele said...

I am so proud of you:)